While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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