First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My breasts were aching with rage.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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