Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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