Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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