This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
