You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
