Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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