Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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