She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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