found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
