I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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