I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
