We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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