I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
