He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
