We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
