what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
