The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
