I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have fence marks all over my body
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
