My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
