Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
