how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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