it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
