he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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