God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
