My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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