i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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