i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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