Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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