It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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