Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
