I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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