She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
