sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
