She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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