I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize