There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
