So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
