mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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