I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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