We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize