I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
