Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
