I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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