i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
