It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
