Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
