Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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