Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
