Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
