What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
