He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
