it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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