so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This baby is an asshole
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
