My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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