I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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