please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
