my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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