Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
