i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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