When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
