This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
