do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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