I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
