Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
