so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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